it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
