chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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