What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
