I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
