she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
