So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
