It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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