Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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