He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
