I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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