I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
This girl is more easily done than said...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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