You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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