Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
