I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
