They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I have aggressive nipples.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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