I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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