life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
