I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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