The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
