so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
