Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
