In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
