We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
we should paint friendship bongs
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