a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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