Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
