Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
