you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Two words: blizzard sex
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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