We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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