that's an acceptable place to lick
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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