and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
