Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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