it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
