I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
