you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
