Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Randomize
