Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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