Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
