So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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