when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
