Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
