he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
