My hand turned me down
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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