is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
