I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
