she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
