I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
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Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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