I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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