Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
