just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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