She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
