She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
