she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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