the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
