So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize